Where's your pass?
I am now entering my ninth school year, and it has been a RIDE. I currently teach middle school, also known as ‘The Wild West’, so I have seen many interesting behaviors. While I am a professional redirector and de-escalator, I know that I have my limits. There are some students who are beyond my help. I have conjured up a list of students I would like to avoid at all costs. If they walked into my class, I would simply remove my badge, close my laptop, and leave quietly.
First on the list is Peter Stegman from Class of 1984 (1982). Not only is this jerk disruptive, he also brings his awful friends/gang members with him. Peter is an all-around bad guy, but it does not help that he gets away with nearly everything he does. He brings weapons to school, sells drugs, and runs a prostitution ring with underage girls! He even does the Nazi salute. When the teacher tried to put a stop to his antics, Peter sexually assaulted the teacher’s wife. If Peter came into my class, I would abandon my classroom and call the authorities.
Next up are Sadie and McKayla in Tragedy Girls (2017). These two come as a package deal and the pair take Internet fame far too seriously. It is normal for teenagers to do things to fit or for attention. It is not normal for teenagers, or anybody, to kill people for likes and followers. Sadie and McKayla killed over 100 people without a pinch of remorse. They are the type of girls who would dismember me because it might be good content. I would like those girls to stay far away from my classroom.
I support overachievers, however, Rachael from American Psycho II (2002) would cause me to turn my badge in immediately. As a teacher, it is my duty to protect the students in the class. Rachael is a direct danger to her classmates, especially if she sees them as competition. If you stand in the way of Rachael’s success, then she will END you. You could be doing your job and she would take it personally. If I saw her on the roster, I would give everyone an A (just for good measure)and quit my job before I passed out the syllabus.
I know that there are a lot of Herbert West fans and apologists, but I will speak my truth. Herbert is a menace! He is going around campus and snatching up corpses to do unapproved activities using school property. He’s an administrator’s nightmare. He’s also one of those students who believes he knows more than the teacher at every turn. Herbert has a disregard for human life. He will crack several eggs to make an inedible omelet. You can’t close your eyes around him. He is also the kind of man who would re-animate your dead cat without your permission. I would lock the science labs on my way to deliver my resignation letter.
Finally, I would avoid Lucas Ward from Dismissed (2017) in the school setting and in general. Lucas presents himself as an exemplary student when in reality he is an unhinged villain. Lucas will turn on you as soon as you stop giving him what he wants. He received an A- and began terrorizing the teacher for a grade change. Lucas secretly taped people, killed a girl, poisoned a woman, and kidnapped a BABY! His father was even scared of him. I don’t even want to teach in the district Lucas lives in.
Don’t forget to check out the Girl, That’s Scary: Back to School mini-series that has already begun and runs all September long! Subscribe to their podcast anywhere you listen.